


The Rumor Mill

by auroraphilealis (xrosepetalsx), notanannoyingfangirl



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M, also uses the word slut/whore as a derogatory term, but hes only there for a moment, includes a youtuber who was involved in not asking for consent, just a heads up, youtuber is craig dillion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 03:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5075701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xrosepetalsx/pseuds/auroraphilealis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/notanannoyingfangirl/pseuds/notanannoyingfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell was a nobody, invisible, until a rumor starts that he lost his virginity… to a guy. It doesn’t take long for Dan to climb the social ladder and suddenly people who didn’t even know he existed want to be his friend. But the rumors are getting out of control, and it doesn’t take long for the lies to grow to unmanageable sizes. Dan’s fall from grace is far from pretty and comes all too soon. The only person who’s not quite convinced by Dan’s school slut act is Phil Lester, the guy Dan’s liked since he was ten, and who he’s been assigned to work with on the Scarlet Letter project for their English Lit class.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rumor Mill

**Author's Note:**

> insanityplays: Hey guys! Eliza is back with her second big bang fic! Seriously you guys, these two fics have been a roller coaster ride of emotions and hard work, and I can’t wait for you all to read and enjoy them! I want to thank my co-author again for being freaking amazing, and always putting up with my crap. I also want to thank my beta for being awesome and dealing with our lack of comma ability, and last but certainly not least, our artist who made us this beautiful piece of artwork that I hope you guys will love as much as we do! They really went above and beyond making sure it’s exactly what our vision was, but more than that, put their own beautiful spin on it, so thank you!
> 
> notanannoyingfangirl: Hey guys, so this is part two of our final PBB fic, can I just say that it was a wonderful journey and I am so proud of everyone I worked with. Everyone did an amazing job and this has been an amazing experience. So thank you to everyone who worked so hard to make this into what it is.

Dan Howell was the kind of boy who sat with his feet on the classroom desk, headphones blasting some song that no one else had ever heard of - and that was just the way he liked it. He wasn't unpopular, per say, but simply more of a loner. He always chose seats in the back of the classroom, ate lunch in the library, and avoided after school activities like the plague.

He was the kind of guy who wore Guild Wars t-shirts and still played pokemon on his brand new 3DS. Not exactly cool kid material.

He hadn't had anyone who was close enough to be a friend since he was in primary school. Maybe that's why he said what he did.

It had started out like a normal day, but by the end it was extremely clear that this day was unlike any other. Dan had been in the bathroom after lunch, hiding out more than anything, in an attempt to ditch his next class (even though a part of him knew that he'd still end up going).

One of the other guys in his grade, (Luke, maybe?), had just been making small talk while he washed his hands - which was an oddity in itself, because Dan never made small talk.

"So what are you doing this weekend," Luke asked casually, grabbing a paper towel.

Dan froze. He was probably just going to play video games, but somehow he wasn't sure if that answer would fly. He didn't even know why the next thing he said was the first thing that popped into his head. He could have just said he had plans. It wasn't like they were asking him out on a fucking date. Instead his mouth opened of its own accord and words started tumbling out.

"I actually have a date."

Okay, maybe his situation didn't sound that bad, but that was the tip of Dan's metaphorical iceberg of problems, because his mouth didn't stop talking after that.

And maybe it was all Luke's(?) fault. He shouldn't have been asking such personal questions.

So, when Luke asked if Dan and his date had slept together, Dan responded with a yes and proceeded to spin out a lie about his imaginary boyfriend. Yeah, that was his problem. He couldn't just have had a date - no it was a date with a boy.

After that, Luke had mumbled some excuse and rushed out the door.

Great, Dan wasn't even gay - well he had never really thought about it. Why was boyfriend the first thing that had ran through his head?

Turning his attention away from the door that Luke(?) had just ran out from, Dan studied his reflection in the mirror. He didn't look any different, plain brown hair and eyes.

So, why did he feel like he wasn't even looking at his own reflection anymore?

\--

Dan wasn't invisible anymore. He could feel the stares as if they were a physical touch as he walked down the hallway to English class. It was midway through the year and he had little desire to actually be forced to do work.

He had even less desire now that he could feel the whole school watching his every step. It was.. intimidating; and maybe it wouldn't have been so bad - if it were true. If he actually had a boyfriend (did he even want a boyfriend?) he could parade around and shower with affection, but he didn't, so that just made him a liar.

Invisibility was better.

\--

Rumors spread fast at Westbrook - teenagers liked to talk, after all - so it came as no surprise to Phil to hear that Dan Howell supposedly had a boyfriend, and, to top it all off, had slept with him, mere minutes after the Lunch break had ended.

The halls were buzzing with the sound of concerned and excited whispers, words catching in the throats of wide-eyed girls and boys alike who couldn’t _imagine_ the possibility of loner Howell actually being a slut, while they all attempted to make it to class on time. The warning bell had already rung, but student’s feet were dragging with the weight of new gossip clinging to their backs, ready to be unleashed on the next open ear.

The story would change a million times by the end of the day, but the fact would remain that Dan was a whore.

Phil Lester, however, was calling bullshit. He’d known Dan since they’d both been in primary school, and he found it hard to believe that someone he’d once been best friends with their entire childhood would be so open about his sexual history, let alone his sexuality, in a school that couldn’t shut up about the latest gossip if someone _paid_ them to.

Not to mention the fact that, when they’d been meant to be playing Seven Minutes in Heaven at a sixth form party, Dan had been too embarrassed to so much as _touch_ Phil, let alone kiss him, in the dark of a low lit cupboard, so Phil merely rolled his eyes and couldn’t help but wonder how Dan had gotten himself into this situation to begin with.

And if Phil let out an affectionate chuckle at the very thought of shy, nerdy Dan accidentally leading someone to believe he wasn’t a virgin - well, no one had to know.

\--

By seventh period, things had only gotten worse.

“I heard they’ve been dating since he was 13. When do you reckon he lost his v-card?”

“Isn’t his boyfriend like 27!?”

“Alex said he saw Dan necking with the guy on third street a couple months ago! That’s so sick, how could he do something like that so publicly!?”

“I heard he has a fake ID and his boyfriend brings him out to clubs so they can have orgies in the backroom!”

“SHHH! He’s coming!”

Phil rolled his eyes as the girl who’d been scouting at the door rushed back to her seat, while the rest of the class went dead silent. Moments later, Dan was trudging into the classroom tentatively, eyes cast downward like he knew exactly what was coming.

His entrance was met with damning silence as he made his way to his seat.

Phil could do nothing but sympathize.

Five minutes of uncomfortable silence later, their teacher finally arrived.

“Sorry I’m late, everyone!” she said, rushing in with her bag precariously balanced on her shoulders. “The photocopy machine was acting up while I was trying to make copies of your new project, so…” her voice trailed off as she hastily dropped her bag and tried to reassess the massive pile of packets in her hand, the stark white pages causing a low groan to rise up in the classroom air.

Their teacher, Mrs. Krin, looked up and smiled at that. “Shush. It’ll be fun, I promise. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves as I get these handed out.”

A litany of low murmurs started back up then, and Phil could just hear the sound of Dan’s name being murmured every now and then. The students around him kept sending quick glances behind him at Dan, who was steadfastly keeping his gaze down on his desk as he tried to ignore the rumors spreading around him. His shoulders were slumped inward, his 6ft frame somehow actually managing to appear smaller than it actually was.

Mrs. Krin seemed oblivious to the whole thing, as she worked to pass the stacks of paper around the room, her smile wide and excited. Finally, everyone had a sheet, and she rose her hand for silence.

“Alright! If you take a look at the paper I’ve just handed out, you’ll see that we’re starting the Scarlet Letter this semester, and boy do I have the project for you! You’ll be splitting up into partners to create a presentation regarding the book. Along with a short essay, and some form of visual, you’ll be arguing one of the character’s sides that you agree with most. I’ll be looking for well thought out opinions, and textual support for your thoughts…”

The moment the teacher dismissed them to find a partner, Phil watched Dan get shunned, and stood with determination in his eyes.

Dan looked up as Phil approached his desk, eyes wary, and Phil smiled.

“Partners?”

\--

While Dan was relieved that someone had come over and actually asked to be partners with him (as opposed to say, the teacher forcing them because there was no other option), he couldn't make heads nor tails of it. For one thing, the school had been treating Dan as if he were the Black Plague. If anyone had come within a two foot radius of him it was usually just to ask what it felt like to be fucked by a guy (first of all, they were assuming he was a bottom; rude. Secondly, he couldn't even tell them, because he didn't fucking know).

Phil Lester wasn't exactly the pinnacle of social prosperity, but he had enough good credit around the school that Dan wasn't quite sure why he would risk it. The damn kid probably had some sort of hero complex, that would just be like him. Thinking back to the time the two of them had been stuck together for Seven Minutes in heaven, Dan had to fight a blush.

Yeah, Phil Lester probably felt like he had to help the weak. That explanation made a hell of a lot more sense than any other reasons Dan conjured up.

"So do you have any ideas for the project?" Phil asked, making Dan jump. Honestly, after Mrs. Krin had said the word _partners_ Dan had mostly zoned out. He figured he would probably fail the project by default since he wouldn't get a half decent partner anyway - and especially not today.

"Um," Dan tapped on the table nervously, not quite meeting Phil's brilliant blue eyes. Actually Phil had really pretty eyes. They were different shades of blue and green and gold and _he was totally, definitely not thinking about the color of Phil Lester's eyes._ "I wasn't really paying attention," Dan admitted quietly, his cheeks flushing - more from his oddly detailed thoughts about Phil's eyes than his lack of attention.

"That's okay," Phil said with a grin and he had a really nice smile, but why the hell was he smiling at Dan? "I was. We can use my notes."

"Yeah, cool," _A-plus response Daniel_ , Dan thought bitterly.

"Cool," Phil agreed, and Dan wondered absentmindedly if his smile could light nations.

\--

Even though Dan prided himself on being late to first period nearly everyday due to his inability to wake up _and_ straighten his hair in the mornings, today he took extra care to be early. He didn't want to call any extra attention to himself. Hopefully, someone will have gotten pregnant or something so that his slip up yesterday would be forgotten.

But that would be too good to be true. Of course it would.

So, even though he forgoes coffee and decides to suffer from the caffeine withdrawal all morning just so he makes it to his classes on time, Dan can still feel the air shift the second he walks through the doors of his high school.

Fucking great.

"Hey Dan!" calls a voice that Dan doesn't immediately recognize and decides to ignore. Or rather, he decides to ignore it until a hand wrapped around his arm tugs him around - giving him no choice but to look at it's owner.

Though the boy standing beside him looked vaguely familiar, Dan couldn’t place his name and had little desire to actually find out what he wanted. "Yeah?" He snapped, making it clear that he was irritated.

"Woah, sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," the brown haired boy said. "Just, can we talk for a second?"

"I don't even know you, why would I want to know what you have to say?" Dan asked, rubbing his eyes. He was _so_ not in the mood for this.

"My name's Connor," the guy said, looking a little hurt, "Connor Franta. We have like four classes together."

"Oh," Dan said, suddenly feeling a bit bad for not knowing the boy's name. "Well, what did you want to talk about, Connor?" _Please let it just be about homework._

Connor glanced around the now nearly empty hallway (so Dan would be late to class anyway. Great.) before dropping his voice to a whisper. "Well, you came out and it was really easy, right? I want that.. I want to be who I am."

"You're gay?" Dan asked, more than a little surprised. Connor merely shrugged. "And secondly this whole thing is a huge misunderstanding, okay? I'm not gay, I just.. kind of told someone that I was."

"So you lied?" Connor asked, narrowing his eyes.

"No- I... I don't know what I am," Dan admitted quietly.

"Oh," Connor said, and it looked like maybe he was chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Well you're super popular now, right?"

"No, the whole school seems to be avoiding me like the plague."

"But everyone is talking about you," Connor said, "so you're basically popular."

"Doesn't feel that way," Dan muttered bitterly.

"And I want to come out in a super cool way so people won't think I'm lying," Connor continued as if he hadn't heard him. Maybe he hadn't. "Maybe we can help each other out."

"Do I even want to ask what you're talking about?"

\--

For all of one day, Phil was the talk of the school. The fact that he’d willingly volunteered to work with Dan, and then had the _audacity_ (the school’s words, not his) to tell people off for accusing him of just wanting to get into Dan’s pants, had made him a social pariah almost at Dan’s level. But by the time Phil had arrived back at school two days later, all thought of Phil Lester’s intentions were gone.

Instead, there was a new rumor floating about, and it wasn’t about Dan’s supposed boyfriend. This time, it was about Connor Franta, and how Dan and him had hooked up at a party last night.

“He showed up drunk out of his mind! I couldn’t believe it! You should have seen what he was wearing!”

“I heard he made out with half the school!”

“His pants were so low slung, it’s no wonder Franta couldn’t keep his hands off him!”

“You should have heard the noises they were making. Dan must be a beast in bed, because I’ve never heard Connor scream that loud, and I play field hockey with him!”

There was clear disgust scrawled across Phil’s face when the first person came up to him to ask him if he was jealous and he didn’t bother to dignify the question with an answer. No one else was brave enough to approach him, but Phil kind of wished they were. He wanted to quirk an eyebrow at them and make them feel stupid for spreading bullshit rumors around in the first place.

Still, the rumors weren’t as unfounded this time. Dan had been at a party last night, drunk out of his mind, and in low slung jeans. Though, each time the story was repeated, Dan’s outfit and noises got more and more exaggerated, and Phil couldn’t deny that there was some truth to it. How much, he wasn’t sure, but there was one thing he was certain about: the fact that Dan Howell was no slut, and whether he’d made out with Connor Franta on the dance floor or not, he’d definitely never had sex with him - of that, Phil was certain.

His concern for the friend he’d never forgotten increased ten fold, and Phil decided if he couldn’t get to the bottom of this, he’d at least support Dan through this crisis until it had passed.

Rolling his shoulders, and cracking his neck, Phil made his way to English in a sort of haze. The only thing on his mind was Dan Howell and his pretty brown eyes.

\--

“Why’d we stop being friends?” Phil asked. His hands were curled around the chair he’d dragged to the other side of Dan’s desk, smile gentle as he waited for an answer from the shamed boy in front of him.

There was a glaringly large hickey pressed into his exposed collarbone, but Phil was deliberately ignoring it. From this angle, Phil could clearly tell it was fake. The shy feeling of relief that surged through him at the realization wasn’t surprising to him. He’d been in love with Dan Howell since before they’d almost kissed in sixth form. After Dan stopped talking to him, he’d blamed it on the fact that Dan must have figured out Phil’s feelings for him, and as much as it had stung, Phil had never stopped loving Dan.

“What do you mean?” Dan finally responded, not bothering to look up from where he was doodling on a sheet of paper. Phil sighed and finally took his seat after that.

“I mean, we used to be pretty close, didn’t we? Used to do everything together, when we were younger.”

“Maybe, but that was back in primary school, where the scariest thing was to be caught alone on the playground. We grew up, Phil. Clearly, our friendship wasn’t strong enough to survive that.”

Phil wouldn’t deny that the words had stung, a bit, but he was quick to shrug them off as nothing more than anger towards him. Phil couldn’t exactly blame Dan for that. After all, as far as Phil knew, they’d drifted apart because of Phil’s feelings for Dan.

“Fair enough, but you were my best friend, you know?” Phil said, speaking softly now. “I hope you know I’ve missed you.”

Dan didn’t respond. Instead, he grabbed at his backpack and pulled out the sheet of paper detailing the project they were supposed to be working on, slammed it on the table in front of them, and shoved it towards Phil.

“So, what were your ideas? We’ll need to get started if we want it finished by the end of the month.”

Sighing, Phil bit his tongue, and pulled out his notes to get started. If Dan didn’t want to talk about it, then they wouldn’t talk about it.

\--

Dan had already heard the rumors, of course he had, but they were to be expected. After all, he and Connor hadn't been exactly subtle. While that was the goal, Dan couldn't help but feel kind of... ick. Even if he and Connor hadn't actually done anything, they had both been convincing enough that everyone at the party thought that they had.

Even at school today, they both worked to make the lie seem more convincing - wearing fake hickeys like badges of honor.

Dan felt like he was going to be sick. Connor, on the other hand, was over the moon. "I can finally be myself," he had told Dan, "without people thinking that I'm just doing it for attention." That was the reason he was doing this, Dan supposed, to help Connor.

And to top off his brilliant day at school, Phil Lester had decided to ask why they weren't friends. As if it had been Dan's fault.

Maybe they would still be friends, if seven minutes in heaven had never happened. Maybe they would still be friends, if they hadn't almost kissed. Maybe then they would still be friends.

So, instead of giving Phil the real answer he probably deserved, Dan had brushed him off. It was probably for the best. If Phil was as smart as he seemed, then he should know to stay away from Dan.

"I was thinking," Phil started, drawing Dan out of his inner musings, "that we could do, like a debate."

"Okay, cool," Dan said with a shrug, as he flipped through the book he still had yet to read.

"Really?" Phil asked with a relieved grin, like he had been honestly worried about how Dan would react to his idea. As if Dan had any choice but to go along with any ideas Phil came up with. Dan still was a little unclear as to what the project actually was.

"Like one of us could defend why Hester did what she did, while the other could say why it was wrong," Phil continued, while Dan nodded along.

"Sure, whatever you want."

\--

Dan walked through the hallway, his shoulders slumped and weighed down by his backpack. While Connor might be delighting in this newfound attention, Dan hated it. He wished the school would go back to not giving two shits about him. Everything was a lot easier back then.

However, before he was able to stop at his locker and make the sweet dash to freedom, he was stopped by someone leaning up against the locker next to him.

"Does your boyfriend know how much of a slut you are?" Luke(?) asked, sounding judgemental, "cheating on him with Connor at that party?"

"We broke up," Dan replied with a shrug.

"Okay," Luke said, though it sounded like he didn't quite believe Dan (out of everything, this is what he chooses to not believe). "I hope you're glad that your new reputation is the school skank."

"Well I guess I should say thank you," Dan snapped, "since it's pretty clear that you're the one who spread that rumor."

"It isn't a rumor, you told me straight up; and besides, I didn't make you fuck Connor or whoever else," Luke said sharply, pushing off the locker.

"No, you didn't," Dan agreed quietly. "But sleeping with two people doesn't make me a skank, either."

"Whatever," Luke said with a shrug, "everyone knows that you're a giant manwhore, so you can stop trying to dig yourself out of this mess."

Dan let out a sigh, he wasn't worth it. Pushing past Luke, Dan kept his head down low as he got out of the school as fast as he possibly could. His life was quickly becoming a nightmare.

\--

It had been bound to happen at some point. You couldn’t just insult Dan Howell around Phil Lester without expecting to get some kind of response, and honestly, Phil had thought people would know better. He’d already reacted violently to the idea that he was working with Dan purely for the chance to get into his pants - how could they not know that he would react just as violently when they tried to goad him into talking shit about his former friend?

It didn’t help that it was no secret the two of them used to be best friends, so Phil really didn’t understand.

He’d just been minding his own business at lunch, a few days after his confrontation with Dan, when a group of jocks had joined him at his table.

“Heard Howell was whoring himself out. All Franta had to do was ask and Howell jumped into bed with him. Was your friend always such a whore, Lester? Shoulda let us in on the action, mate. Nasty thing you did, keeping him all to yourself all these years.”

“Excuse me?” Phil had said. He didn’t know how they hadn’t seen it coming. The ring leader had been staring at him with this ridiculously smug grin on his face, and Phil had practically been able to feel himself fuming with the glare he was giving them. “What did you just say?”

“You’re little whore of a friend? You shoulda let us in on the action! Or is that why you guys aren’t friends anymore - because he started inviting other men into his bed?”

Phil had seen red, and then he’d been out of his seat so fast, no one had seen it coming. His fingers had been tight around the collar of the jock in front of him, both their bodies pressed heavily against the table between them, and then Phil had pulled his other fist back, and socked him square in the eye.

It was bound to happen at some point. At least, that’s what Phil kept telling himself as the headmaster lectured him, called his parents, and gave him a three day suspension for violence on another student.

Catching sight of Dan’s surprised face in the empty hallway as Phil was leaving the school made the whole thing feel worth it, though.

\--

**From: Unknown number**

y did u do it

**To: Unknown number**

whose this? and if you’re talking about the guy i hit, its cause Dans my friend, and i’m hoping it gets the message across that i’m not just going to sit idly by while people talk shit about him

The text was a surprise. Phil wasn’t unpopular, but he rarely got texts or calls from unknown numbers, either. It was rare that he gave out his phone number at all, and no one who did have it was likely to give it out without Phil’s permission.

He never found out who it actually was, though, as his anonymous texter didn’t bother responding after the initial text message. Phil hardly cared, so long as the message got out that he wouldn’t let people shit on Dan without some form of consequence.

For the majority of the rest of the afternoon, Phil stayed in the lounge, TV on though he wasn’t really paying attention. Mostly, he was thinking of Dan, and the cruel things those jocks had said to Phil. Phil rarely got violent, but they’d definitely pushed his buttons with what they’d said about Dan.

Phil could only hope for his safety, now that people were giving Dan the kind of attention that could be potentially dangerous. For a moment, Phil even entertained the idea of becoming a sort of bodyguard for Dan, just to make sure he was kept safe, but he dropped the idea quickly when he recalled how wary of Phil Dan still was. They weren’t even friends again yet, and might never be.

A knock at the door near 4 pm arose Phil from the stupor he’d fallen into the moment he’d gotten home, and he pushed himself off of the sofa cushion he’d gotten so comfortable in.

“Coming!” he shouted, as a second knock came. He rolled his eyes at the person’s impatience up until the point where he actually opened the door and found Dan standing in front of him, a stack of paper in his hands.

“Our English teacher made me drop by. Here,” he said, shoving the papers into Phil’s hands. “I’m also supposed to work on the project with you at home until you come back to school, so.”

“Oh, uhm, thanks,” Phil replied, gawking at Dan for a moment before the rest of his words actually registered, and he moved aside to allow the other boy inside. “Uh, yeah, sorry. Sure. We can work in the lounge, if that’s okay with you? My parents aren’t home, and my room’s kind of a mess.”

“That’s fine,” Dan replied. They were silent as they moved to the room Phil had just previously vacated, Phil unable to help himself as his eyes continuously flickered to Dan, taking in his sullen appearance.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concerned. Dan didn’t answer. Instead, he shrugged, and plopped down onto the sofa where Phil had previously been.

“So, I still don’t really know what this whole project is about,” he said, reaching for his backpack and pulling out the notes Phil had let him borrow the other day.

“Oh! Uhm. Well, it’s really easy actually. We’re just supposed to pick a character whose side we want to argue, and use evidence from the book to support us. We need an essay, some kind of visual, and to prepare a presentation. That’s why I thought a debate would be a good option, because then we could play the characters themselves and really get into the nitty gritty of the story…”

They worked together for about an hour, Dan mostly staying quiet and nodding along as Phil explained his plan. The only time he really bothered to speak up was when Phil asked him which character he wanted to play, and base their essay on.

“Hester. She wasn’t really a whore, after all. I mean, her husband had been missing for 5+ years or something, right? So who could blame her for wanting to move on, even if she wasn’t technically a widow yet. Besides, whose business is it anyway who she sleeps with?”

Phil could do nothing but grin and nod in agreement. “Yeah. I agree. Hester’s a great choice, and I could play one of the townspeople in the presentation. You can defend yourself while I ask probing, rude questions.”

Finally, that earned Phil a grin. Though it was haggard and beaten down, it was still a grin.

\--

Dan's fingers hovered over his phone, debating on whether or not he should text Phil again. It had been risky enough the first time, after all, he hadn't even known if it was still Phil's number. Even now that he did, this little plan of his to figure out Phil Lester could still horribly backfire. What if Phil asked for his number? That would be bad.

But on the other hand, Dan really, _really_ wanted to text Phil. He didn't know what he would say, and he probably wouldn't text Phil even if he did.

Dropping his phone back onto his bed with a sigh, Dan dropped down into the chair at his desk. If he wasn't going to text Phil, he could at least get started on their project. Then he might understand half of what Phil said.

But the idea of schoolwork was unappealing, and even debating about the book and it's character's morals couldn't keep Dan occupied for long. Spinning in the rolling computer chair, Dan glanced around his room. He just needed something to _do_.

He needed something to distract him from his ever present thoughts about Phil _fucking_ Lester (and just maybe his thoughts about fucking Phil Lester, but he wasn't going to tell anyone about those). He needed something to distract him from how Luke's words were still ringing around his head.

_Everyone knows that you're a giant manwhore, so you can stop trying to dig yourself out of this mess._

He wasn't, he wasn't, _he wasn't._

And so what? Even if he had fucked two guys that didn't make him a slut, or a manwhore, or whatever the hell they wanted to call him.

They wanted him to play the school slut? Then maybe he would, he'd beat those little shits at their own game. He'd show them.

\--

Dan could practically feel every girl's (and some guy's) jaw drop when he walked into school the following Monday. He was wearing black skinny jeans that were two sizes too small, a leather jacket even though it was ninety degrees outside, _hell_ he had even put his earrings in.

He definitely looked like the guy they were all making him out to be. And maybe he didn't feel like himself, but Dan still felt pretty damn good.

Or at least he felt good until Phil _fucking_ Lester had asked him what kind of twisted game he was playing.

That kind of took Dan down a few notches. Suddenly, he felt almost... dirty.

\--

Phil’s jaw had dropped the moment Dan walked into school a few days after Phil had returned from his three day suspension. The boy was wearing low slung jeans that were definitely too tight for him, showing off the (admittedly nice sized) package he was hiding behind them. The leather jacket he had on framed his shoulders nicely, but more than that, the black shirt he was wearing underneath it was low cut enough it showed off Dan’s collarbones.

And boy, did Dan have nice collarbones. He was thin as it was, but the dips at his neck were prominent, and Phil knew he wasn’t the only boy looking at them. He’d promised himself already that he wouldn’t play the protective asshole, especially considering he didn’t want to piss Dan off and ruin _any_ chance he had at just being his _friend_ again, but he couldn’t help himself as he marched up to Dan and muttered “What the _hell_ are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” Dan asked. It was clear he was surprised at Phil’s hostile actions, as his eyes were wide, and didn’t match the confident expression Dan had been wearing upon his entrance to the school.

Their confrontation wasn’t going unnoticed by their peers, so Phil lowered his voice.

“What kind of twisted game are you trying to play, Howell? We both know this isn’t who you are. You need to be careful,” he stated, trying not to fume too openly. Before Dan could answer, he turned around, and stalked off.

He could imagine the dumbstruck, or more-likely _annoyed_ look Dan would have on his face right now, and tried to drown it out using the anger he was currently feeling. He didn’t want to think about Dan being pissed at him right then, when Phil was honestly just trying to look out for his welfare.

Well, maybe he was also trying to look out for his own. He wasn’t so sure his parents would be as accepting of him getting suspended again for hitting another student in the face if they so much as touched Dan inappropriately.

Phil nearly hit himself at that. He didn’t _own_ Dan. Dan wasn’t his, and if Dan was okay with it, anyone was allowed to touch him. The problem was, Phil still didn’t buy into this whole slut act.

Groaning loudly, Phil slammed his head on his locker the moment he arrived in front of it, and tried to forget about the horrible start to his day.

\--

**From: Unknown Number**

saw u staring at dan

**To: Unknown Number**

whats it to you

**From: Unknown Number**

y do u care so much

Phil didn’t answer. His eyes flitted to his phone hidden on his lap and then back up to the board where a math lesson was supposed to be going on. He wasn’t even sure what his mystery texter was asking him. Why did he care why they were texting him, or why did he care about Dan? Either way, he was too pissed off to answer right then.

The same jock’s he’d hit a few days ago had been jeering at Dan at lunch and Phil had been reduced to clenching his fists to avoid doing anything stupid. He wasn’t even normally such an angry, violent guy. Phil was usually very calm.

He was trying to find that zen place again, but it was hard when he was worried about what Dan was getting himself into.

“Did you hear?” someone whispered to the guy behind Phil.

“What?”

“Dan went into the restroom with some guy before class started. I think there’s already a group of people ditching class to go see.”

Phil closed his eyes, and shook his head, because he didn’t know what else to do.

\--

By the time class had ended, at least half the class was talking about who this mystery guy was that Dan had gone into the bathroom with, and Phil was trying not to go crazy. He knew there was something wrong about this whole situation, but the more he saw Dan acting out, the more he feared it was all true - maybe the Dan Phil used to know, wasn't the same Dan at all.

The halls were strangely empty as Phil and the rest of his class rushed out of the room. The sound of a loud group of voices, however, appeared to bounce off the walls a few corridors down, where everyone was already headed. Phil chose to follow, already dreading what he might find.

He was right to be afraid. The moment he turned the corner, he found at least half the student body grouped around the boys bathroom the same way they would be if they had been watching a fight, but rather than chanting, they were staring and listening very intently.

The sound of a low moan pierced the silence, and Phil closed his eyes; because that sound was the unmistakeable sound of someone orgasming.

His heart fell and the anger that had been coursing through him at the student bodies accusations suddenly became leaden. Not disappointment, exactly, but devastation.

He shouldn't have waited for Dan to walk out, but he did, with Shane Dawson on his arm, hair mussed, and cheeks flushed. He looked thoroughly fucked out. The two locked eyes, and Phil looked away, heartbroken.

He trudged off to the sound of the rest of the student body hooting and hollering behind his back.

\--

**From: Unknown Number**

turns out howell wasnt what u thought huh

**From: Unknown Number**

turns out hes just a whore like every1 was saying

**To: Unknown Number**

fuck off. you dont know him

**From: Unknown Number**

neither do u

Phil couldn't argue with that.

\--

Dan wasn't sure why he was antagonizing Phil so much, pretending to be someone else while texting Phil was almost... cruel; but Dan couldn't bring himself to stop, the look on Phil's face when Dan had walked out of that bathroom... Dan had thought that the other boy was more intelligent than the other kids in their class.

Dan had almost dared to believe that Phil actually knew it wasn't real. Obviously that was wrong, Phil thought he was just as much of a slut as everybody else.

Well, fine, maybe Dan could have found healthier ways to deal with his anger and frustration than by texting Phil anonymously, but he had done it anyway.   

Apparently that had been Dan's biggest trick to date. Even the one boy he thought would never believe him, actually did.

That hurt more than anything else.

\--

By the time the end of the week rolled around, Dan had totally redesigned his image at school. Surprisingly, a lot of people seemed to think that pretending to make out with him would give them whatever they wanted out of life. Apparently Connor had told one of his friends about his and Dan's little deal, and now everybody wanted to take advantage of it. Whatever, they gave him gift cards to gamestop, so Dan wasn't complaining too much. Sure, on one hand he felt cool and popular for the first time in his life, but on the other hand, he felt dirty, like he was lying all the time (which he practically was).

He couldn't even say he was surprised when the PA system crackled and the voice announced that "Dan Howell was needed in the guidance counselor's office."  

Rolling his eyes, more for the entertainment of the people around him than his own frustration, Dan pulled his backpack higher up onto his shoulder. It wasn't a long walk to the Guidance office, but Dan walked as slow as he could, not keen on whatever might happen next.

The office was nearly empty, except for the lady who worked behind the desk that everybody swore was evil, and a girl Dan didn't recognize. The girl turned, and when she noticed who he was, gave him a tight lipped grin. Obviously his reputation had preceded him.

Mr. McDonnel was sitting at his desk when Dan came in, he was young for a teacher - probably coming straight from whatever schooling he had received. The only reason Dan had bothered to learn his name was because he was new. No one had ever bothered the old guidance counselor.

"Dan, please have a seat," Mr. McDonnel said, gesturing to the seat someone had dragged in front of the desk.

Dan swallowed nervously. This should be interesting.

\--

Mr. McDonnel was 'very concerned' about Dan's recent behavior, which was apparently 'out of the ordinary'. A part of Dan couldn't believe that the school system knew him well enough to know that he was acting different, but the other part of him could care less about the G.C. drowning on in the background.

As soon as Mr. McDonnel stopped his lecture, Dan grabbed his book bag and bolted out of the seat.

He was almost late for English class.

\--

Phil had become almost as much of a social pariah as Dan in the days following Dan coming out of the restroom with Shane Dawson, and it sucked. Already, Phil had been approached by countless members of his school mates to be taunted about his relationship with Dan, and how disappointed he must be to find out his long term boyfriend was such a whore.

The only problem was, Dan had never been Phil’s boyfriend, and Phil wasn’t disappointed. After sleeping off the shock of hearing what Phil had assumed was the sound of Dan orgasming, he’d woken up more determined than ever to prove to himself, and those around him, that whatever was going on with Dan wasn’t what it seemed.

Dan was not a whore. That, Phil was certain of. There was too much evidence pointing to this whole thing being a sham.

To begin with, there was the fact that Dan hadn’t even been able to laugh off them being trapped in a cupboard for seven minutes in heaven, despite them being best friends at the time. Then, there was the hickey Phil had seen that had been way too obviously made up. Thirdly, and maybe most importantly, was the conversation Phil had overheard during lunch on Thursday.

“Yeah, just get him a voucher to gamestop, and he’ll do anything for you,” an anonymous male voice had said. There had been no doubt in Phil’s mind that the person was talking about Dan, and his suspicions were confirmed when he saw someone slip Dan a package the next day. The same person was later rumored to have slept with Dan.

Maybe someone else would have taken that conversation as further proof that Dan was a complete whore, selling himself for cheap sex, but Phil knew Dan, and he knew this school. Dan would never sell himself, and it would take more than an offer of sex to get these students to pay for _anything_.

With these points on his side, Phil wasn’t afraid of being proven wrong. He just hoped his best friend would be okay. If there was _one_ thing Phil was afraid of, it was the asshole guys in their classes who would be completely willing to take advantage of Dan, and he wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Lester! How’s your boyfriend doing. Bring you any STD’s lately?”

Phil rolled his eyes as the jock he’d punched forever ago approached him, shit eating grin on his face. He wasn’t stupid enough to hit the guy again, but he was also done with his shit.

“If he had, would they be from you?” Phil asked, before he could stop himself. The guys face grew red.

“What did you say to me?”

“I mean, you seem pretty concerned with the idea of Dan having an STD. Are you afraid of something, perhaps?”

The guy’s fists balled at his sides. The way he was flushing in anger was bringing out the angry yellow of the bruise still pressed across the bridge of his nose. Phil couldn’t help but feel satisfied.

“You little punk,” the guy hissed, taking a menacing step forward that Phil mirrored by taking a step back. He didn’t waver, however. He was still grinning.

“I’d stop asking stupid questions, if I were you. Besides, Dan wouldn’t sleep with someone like you. Pretty sure Dan wouldn’t sleep with any of you, actually,” Phil continued, now addressing the small audience he and the jock had accrued.

“I didn’t think so many of you would be stupid enough to fall for this crap, but I guess I put too much faith in you.”

Before anyone else could say anything, Phil was turning and walking away. There would be no more fighting, but Phil wasn’t going to keep his mouth shut and take it. For himself, maybe he would have, but for Dan? No.

\--

**From: Asshole**

bold words 4 someone who was convinced dan was a whore a week ago

**To: Asshole**

i was never convinced dan was a whore.

**From: Asshole**

coulda fooled me

**To: Asshole**

listen, asshole. ive had enough of your crap. leave me and dan alone. you know nothing about him, least of all whether or not any of these bullshit rumors are true. but i can tell you one thing. i know theyre not, and the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the better, because im not going to let anyone treat dan like crap

\--

Dan hadn't been sleeping, and it was starting to show. He had deep bags under his eyes that definitely hadn't been there before the start of this whole ordeal. He felt like he just kept digging himself deeper and deeper, and he didn't know how to get out.

On one hand, there was the whole thing with Phil. Dan was constantly being tossed back on forth about whether or not Phil actually thought he was a slut. The last text had made Phil's feelings pretty clear... hopefully, but Dan still wasn't sure.

Then there was the fact that the English project was almost due, and Dan had been procrastinating working on his part for so long he barely had any time to finish it. It was hard to focus on the schoolwork when it's parallel to his life was so glaringly obvious.

Finally, there was the fact that the whole thing about people giving him money had gotten totally blown out of proportion. Somehow it had gotten spread around the rumor mill, but instead of people thinking he was lying about everything, they actually thought he was selling sex!

Letting out a huff of air, Dan dropped his arm across his eyes. He leaned back against his headboard, his laptop still open on his legs. He needed to talk to someone who understood. The only question was who, the guidance councilor was useless, his parents wouldn't understand.

Almost absentmindedly, Dan's fingers found his phone. Biting his lip, Dan knew that there was _one_ person he could talk to... if he hadn't burned that bridge beyond repair.

\--

**To: Phil Lester**

im really sorry im an asshole and said those things to u the other day

**To: Phil Lester**

i was having a bad day and took it out on u

**To: Phil Lester**

so yeah... im sorry

**From: Phil Lester**

glad you finally came to your senses

**From: Phil Lester**

why the bad day

**To: Phil Lester**

shitty day at school, u know how it is

**To: Phil Lester**

socially, academically

my life is a mess

**From: Phil Lester**

im sorry

**To: Phil Lester**

not ur fault

\--

Okay, so the conversation with Phil had made Dan feel a little better, but not much. He hadn't learned anything new. Groaning, Dan locked his phone and picked up his laptop. He really needed to come up with what he wanted to say for that damn English project.

He needed to say something about how the people shouldn't judge, but that was hard when it felt like the whole school was judging him. Slamming his laptop shut, Dan tried to force the project to the back of his mind.

Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.

\--

Tomorrow wasn't a better day.

\--

The most recent text messages from “asshole,” as Phil had dubbed him, were still on his mind three days later. Friday morning had come and gone, and Phil’s fingers were absentmindedly playing with his phone. It was lunchtime. The whole school was even more of a willey mess then normal, and wouldn’t stop peeking at Phil, giggling and spreading rumors behind their hands.

Phil didn’t care. He was too busy trying to figure out who “asshole” was. He’d done a pretty quick 180 after Phil had told him off, but it wasn’t so much the change in his behavior that was bugging Phil. It was what he’d said, and how familiar his words had sounded.

Maybe it was stupid, but some part of him wondered if, maybe, just maybe, his mysterious texter was Dan Howell himself. The way he texted, the way he spoke...they were all eerily reminiscent of when Dan used to text him every day; but Phil didn’t have Dan’s number anymore. Nor did he have his old phone to check the call log, so he couldn’t be sure. He could only guess off of superficial knowledge that was probably the largest lack of evidence Phil had for _anything_ going on in his life right now.

Phil couldn’t help but to hope that “asshole” really was Dan, though, because that meant, for whatever reason, Dan cared about Phil’s opinion of him, even now, and that only made Phil more determined to be there for his ex-best friend.

“Howell!”

Phil’s head snapped up at the sound of the other boy’s name being called. Dan hadn’t been in the cafeteria since the week after all the rumors had begun, working to avoid the mass of people staring at him with judging eyes. To hear his name being called jolted Phil to attention. His eyes flickered around the room for just a moment, and then his gaze was colliding with a familiar brown for just a moment before Dan’s determined gaze was ripped away from his.

In the awkward couple of seconds between Phil turning to follow Dan’s gaze to whoever had called out to him, he noticed that Dan had been en route to where Phil sat alone in the corner of the lunch room. He cursed the unknown figure, wondering what Dan could have wanted, and turned his gaze onto the mysterious interloper, who turned out to be none other than Craig Dillon.

Phil’s eyes widened, and then narrowed with suspicion, as the sleezy looking teenager approached a very shocked Dan.

“How’s going on a date with me tonight, sound?” he asked, voice as cocky as anything. The entirety of the school was watching, at that point, and Dillon’s expression showed that he was clearly expecting a “yes.” Dan’s expression, however, wasn’t the disgust Phil had been expecting to find there. Instead, Dan looked taken aback, but there was no way in hell he was going to say yes to an asshole like Dillion, right?

“A date? Ah, yeah, sure, I’d like that,” Dan replied, a slight blush spreading up his neck and over his cheeks. Phil’s jaw literally dropped at the words, and he almost got up to go to Dan’s side and claim him as his own, no matter the consequences, just to keep Dan out of Dillon’s clutches, but he didn’t.

“Good. I’ll pick you up at 8, and we can head on over to the Boiling Crab then, alright mate?” Dillon asked, smirking at Dan.

Rather than responding, Dan only nodded his head, dumbstruck. As Phil watched on, Dillon shot his gaze to Phil, winking and grinning salaciously at him, before turning back to Dan to drop a kiss to his cheek. Dan’s blush deepened.

“See ya tonight,” he said, and then he was gone.

In the next few moments, Dan didn’t move. The whole of the lunch room had erupted into a loud buzz over the events that had just occurred, but it was clear Dan wasn’t listening. His hand moved up to touch his cheek, and then a small smile bloomed on his face that made Phil want to crush the water bottle currently in his grasp.

Finally, Dan began to walk again, but he didn’t continue in his trek towards Phil. Instead, he exited the cafeteria, original intentions upon entering clearly forgotten. Phil watched him go, unsure what else to do.

\--

Phil wasn’t stalking Dan. No, of course he wasn’t. Why would he do that? He’d just had a sudden craving for Crab, and the only restaurant that served Crab in town happened to be the Boiling Crab, where Dan coincidentally happened to be on a date with Craig.

So no, Phil wasn’t stalking Dan. Of course he wasn’t. He wouldn’t do that.

But if he happened to be sitting a few seats down from where Dan and Dillon were seated, face mostly hidden behind a barrier between their two sections, well then, that was just a coincidence too.

For over an hour, Phil did nothing but observe the two. His heart was in his throat, and his fingers were tapping away at the table in front of him, ready for anything to happen. He didn’t trust Dillon, and for a good reason.

He was the local heartbreaker at their school. Everyone wanted a piece of him and he was known to flirt with most anyone. The only difference between his reputation, and Dan’s, was that he wasn’t what anyone considered a “whore.”

Not that he didn’t have sex. No, Phil knew for a fact that Dillon had sex, and often, but he was better at keeping his head down low. No one was allowed to know what Dillon had done with his partners, and the few times Phil had even begun to hear a rumor being spread about him, Dillon had crushed it, and the person who’d blabbed, was somehow forced to shut up.

The scariest part, though, was what the rumors said the fair few times Phil had heard about them. It seemed there was one thing lacking from Dillon’s sexual exploits - and that was consent.

Shuddering at the very thought of Dan getting involved in something like that, Phil continued to watch the two.

From time to time, bits and pieces of their conversation drifted to Phil’s ears. The majority of it made his fingers clench into fists on the table.

“So, are the rumors about you true?” Dillon asked. His tone of voice playing at mocking. Phil heard Dan laugh, and rolled his eyes.

“Let’s not talk about that. Does it matter?” he heard Dan ask in response. Dillon shrugged.

"Course not," he replied. Phil saw right through the lie; Dan, on the other hand, clearly did not. The corners of his lips curled up in a half smile, and his ears turned pink.

“Good.”

“You’ve never really approached me before,” Dan said a few minutes later, voice clearly hesitant from Phil’s vantage point. “Why now?”

Mentally, Phil was cheering, because the hesitance belied a fear that Phil felt Dan definitely needed to have in this situation.

“Because you’re intriguing, Dan,” Dillon replied, voice flirty as Phil watched him reach across the table and take Dan’s hand. Phil cringed as Dan seemed to take that to heart. He watched Dan’s face transform into that giddy half smile again, and felt his stomach clench in worry and agitation.

“So it’s not because of - you know. The rumors?” Dan asked, staring up at Dillon from under his lashes.

Dillon scoffed. “Of course not. I told you, babe. Those don’t matter.”

As Phil watched, Dan and Dillon leaned closer together. Fingers straining white against the tabletop, Phil waiting anxiously for the inevitable kiss. Even from where he sat, Phil could see the way Dillon was smirking victoriously, and the way Dan’s eyelashes had fluttered closed, but at the very last moment, the waitress appeared with their check, and Phil mentally cheered.

A soft squeak of happiness managed to escape through his lips, and he ducked his head to hide his face as Dan’s own gaze snapped up in the general direction of where Phil was.

When Phil dared to look up again, the waitress had returned with Dillon’s credit card, and Dan was gazing into Dillon’s eyes with a clear sense of affection.

Phil nearly wanted to barf.

\--

He followed them into the parking lot. Dillon had one arm wrapped around Dan’s shoulder as he led him to his truck, while Dan’s head was tucked against Dillon’s shoulder in a disgusting display of affection Phil could have done without.

Verging on giving the whole situation up for a loss, Phil ducked behind a nearby car, still terrified that something bad might happen to Dan if he left too early.  As he watched Dan and Dillon converse quietly, he felt his heart steadily breaking. Clearly, Dan was desperate for affection, but Phil could only wish Dan had come to him with those needs rather than an asshole who was known for being a player.

Then again, Phil thought, his more than obvious affections for Dan seemed to be what had driven them apart in the first place, so maybe it was no wonder Dan had gone after the school heartthrob when said school heartthrob had actually approached him.

Sighing regretfully, Phil waited for the moment Dan and Dillon would inevitably drive off so he could stalk back to his car. It seemed to be taking them forever to wrap up whatever they were doing, but he knew they hadn’t even climbed into Dillon’s car yet due to the fact that he could hear the low murmur of their voices still conversing. After a few more moments of waiting, Phil suddenly heard the loud sound of a resounding slap, and immediately sprang up from his hiding spot to see that Dillon had cornered Dan against the passenger side door of his car, and Dan had struck him across the face.

“You little _whore_ ,” Phil heard Dillon hiss.

He didn’t wait another second.

In moments, Phil’s long legs had taken him next to Dan and Dillon, and he grabbed Dillon’s hand as the other man pulled back to swing at Dan. His fingers curled tightly around a scrawny upper arm.

“Don’t,” he hissed, yanking Dillon away from Dan. “Don’t you dare lay a hand on him.”

\--

Dan felt like he had whiplash, one second his date with Dillon had been going _great_ and then the next... not so much.

He had thought that when Dillon asked him out on a date it was because the other boy actually liked him. The date had been great, and all the signs pointed toward Dillon being totally into him. Then, after getting dinner, they had been walking back to the car together. When Dillon had pushed Dan against the truck gently, Dan had been expecting him to kiss him, not to pull out his wallet and ask how much Dan wanted from him.

"I don't want your money," Dan said, trying to slip away from Dillon, the lack of distance between them suddenly seeming almost threatening.

Dillon moved his arm, effectively blocking Dan's path of escape.

"Listen, that's the deal isn't it?" Dillon asked, seeming angry. “I pay you and you suck my cock."

Dan recoiled from his words, "I don't sell sex," he spat.

"That's not what I heard," Dillon said, leering at Dan. Suddenly, before Dan could even think about it, he raised his hand and slapped Dillon across the face.

"Well, you heard wrong," Dan said, trying again to slip past Dillon's arm again.

"You little whore," Dillon hissed, stepping even closer. However, before Dan could do anything else, something, or rather someone, stepped in front of Dan and grabbed Dillon's hand before he could retaliate.

“Don’t,” Dan heard the figure, who he know dimly recognized was _Phil_ say, “Don’t you dare lay a hand on him.”

Dillon gave Phil a dirty look, but went to the other side of the truck and jumped inside. The truck started loudly, making Dan jump away from where he had been leaning against it. Then the truck drove off, leaving Dan to stare at a very... concerned Phil.

"What the hell, Phil?" Dan asked, "what are you doing here?"

"I just saved your ass!" Phil nearly shouted, "why does it matter?"

"Listen thanks for stepping in and all, but I had it handled," Dan said, crossing his arms.

"Sure you did," Phil snorted, "listen, I was just trying to help. Whatever."

"Besides, you never told me what you were doing here anyway," Dan continued, ignoring Phil's last statement.

"Eating, it's a restaurant. I was on my way back to my car and I heard yelling. Obviously I should just get the hint that you don't want to talk to me, since you aren't even thankful that I just got that creep to leave you alone." Phil huffed. "Maybe I should just go."

"No, Phil wait, I'm sorry," Dan said softly, "I'm just weirded out. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"No, you know what, Dan, save it. I don't know what I expected from you, but it certainly wasn't for you to be into a guy like Dillon. Maybe the rumors are true, maybe I should have stopped defending you a long time ago," before Dan could say anything, or even form coherent thoughts, Phil was gone.

Groaning, Dan resigned himself to a long walk home.

\--

Dan hardly slept that night. He had his big English project with Phil in the morning, and the other boy had seemed pretty pissed at him the night before. The more he thought about the conversation, the more angry Dan got. He didn't _need_ Phil to protect him and he wasn't sure why the other boy felt like he had to.

He wasn't some nobody that hid in the back of classrooms anymore, but he also wasn't the school slut who sold sex for money and GameStop gift cards.

Something needed to change.

And maybe, just maybe he had an idea.

Suddenly the English project didn't seem like so much of a chore, and Dan thought about what he wanted to say, before he finally fell asleep.

\--

Phil wasn’t sure what had come over him when he blew up on Dan, but that stress of trying to protect someone who couldn’t even be grateful for Phil helping him had been a harsh blow. To top it all off, Phil hadn’t thought Dan would fall for someone as fucked up as Dilion. Maybe it was stupid to be angry at the other boy, but he was. Besides, it was too late to take it back.

He drove home that night in a fury, storming upstairs and slamming his bedroom door. He wanted nothing more than to take back his harsh words towards Dan, but at the same time, he just wanted everything to be over. The rumors at school were starting to get to him, and Dan’s behavior wasn’t making it any better. Why was he bothering to defend a boy who clearly hated him? Why was he still trying to win Dan over?

Because he loved him.

Burying his face in his pillow, Phil fell into a restless sleep. He wanted nothing more than to make it up to Dan, but he didn’t think, this time, that Dan was going to accept it.

\--

Morning dawned bright and early. It was the day of their English presentation  and Phil was _not_ looking forward to it. His heart was in his throat as he got ready for school, fingers playing with his phone in his pocket as he climbed into his car. There was still the matter of the unknown texter that Phil was almost certain was Dan. Should he text him, test him?

**To: Dan???**

i hope youre doing better today

**To: Dan???**

i know how it is to have a bad day. i blew up on someone i really cared about last night

**To: Dan???**

i dont think they know how much i regret it

**From: Dan???**

then y did u do it????

**To: Dan???**

because im an idiot

“Dan” didn’t text back for the rest of the morning and Phil was left hoping he’d given his apology to the right person. He went through his morning classes upset and paid no attention to the rest of his classmates. Dillion kept sending him hot glares, but Phil ignored him, as well.

At lunchtime, he was waylaid on his way to the cafeteria by a strong pair of arms clamping over his mouth. For a moment, he tried to scream, gasping against the person’s hold.

“Shut the fuck up, Lester,” a voice growled in his ear. Dillion.

Narrowing his eyes, Phil struggled against the other man’s strong hold, but Dillion’s grasp was tight. He just caught sight of a wide-eyed Dan watching on, when he found himself being thrown into the janitor’s closet. His head hit the back wall with a loud thud, and he jammed his eyes shut in pain. A door shut, a lock clicked, and then there was a presence in front of him.

Phil opened his eyes. The room was pitch dark.

“I hope you aren’t planning on telling anyone about what happened last night, Lester, or I might just have to cut out that tongue of yours,” Dillion hissed. Phil didn’t even have to see him to know he was right in front of him - he could smell his foul breath.

“Piss off,” he responded, meaning to push past Dillion and scramble out of the dark closet, when Dillion’s hands came down on his arms. A moment later, he was being slammed against the wall again, and hissed in pain.

“Nuh-uh, Lester. You’re gonna promise me, right here and now, that no one hears about last night.”

Again, Phil ignored him, and gritted his teeth.

“Fuck off,” he said, reaching up to shove Dillion back. The man stumbled, but he was back in moments, only this time, the fingers of one hand were tight against Phil’s neck.

“No, fuck _you_ , Lester. I swear to God, if anyone finds out abou-”

Dillion didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence. A loud knock came at the door, and then the sound of a teacher's voice threatening them to come out. Dillion’s fingers went slack, but he still slammed Phil up against the wall one last time. The sound of a pair of keys jingling at the lock sounded, and then the room was flooded with a bright light.

By the time Phil had been released from the Principal's office, and was running to make it to class in time for his and Dan’s presentation, he’d gotten a text message.

**From: Dan???**

i forgive u

\--

Dan was staring at his phone in shock, partially because of what he had just typed and partially because of what Phil had just said. He didn't know how Phil had remembered his phone number for all these years, but obviously Phil had had some idea that it had been Dan all along. Still, he didn't have to actually _tell_ Phil that it was him. Dan honestly wasn't even sure where that had come from.

"Do I have to take away your phone, Mr. Howell?" Mrs. Krin asked sternly, glaring at the IPhone in Dan's hands as if it had personally offended her.

"No," Dan said, shoving the phone into the pocket of his jeans.

It was still in between classes, and Dan was technically early for English, be the classroom was slowly filling with students and Phil had yet to show up. Earlier, he’d sent a teacher after Dillion and Phil, scared that Dillion might do actual harm to his friend - friend? Friend. He didn’t know where Phil was now, or if he was even okay. Had he even gotten Dan’s text message? He didn’t know.

What would Dan do if Phil didn't show up for the project?

Luckily he was saved from his wandering thoughts by Phil slipping into the classroom just seconds before class started. Dan let out a little puff of breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. However, the other boy didn't do much as glance up at him.

Was it because of Dan’s last text message? He didn’t know.

They had barely worked on their project together. Dan knew they were probably both just winging it.

The first groups went, but Dan could hardly focus on what they were saying. He was too busy focusing on the back of Phil's head and trying to read his thoughts.

It wasn't working.

"Howell and Lester," Mrs. Krin said, making Dan snap out of the trance-like state he had fallen into.

"Aw, let's hear what the slut has to say about the whore," someone sitting behind Dan joked softly, making Dan see red for a few seconds.

 _This,_ this was why he was about to say what he wanted to say. Honestly, Dan didn't give a damn about the project, he just wanted people to see his side of the story.

\--

Dan took a deep breath, trying not to look at the faces in the crowd, but looking at Phil, whose face was giving away no emotion, was almost worse.

"I think I should just start by saying," Dan said, "that I don't know why everyone thinks that Hester is a whore."

"Because she cheated on her husband," Phil replied easily.

"Yeah but he'd been missing for, like, years," Dan continued, "didn't she deserve to be happy?"

"Back in that time period, it didn't really matter. Marriage was one of the most important things to them and she chose a path that was viewed as a sin."

"She didn't even do anything that horrible. So she slept with one guy? That automatically sends her to hell? That hardly seems fair."

"I'm not saying that it's fair, it's what was believed. Hester shouldn't have done what she did. It was inappropriate."

"Her husband was thought to be lost at sea. He should have been pronounced dead and she a widow; and in any case, it's not like her husband was around when she had the affair."

"That's not the point."

"Then what is the point?"

\--

Phil could feel his heart racing in his chest. Dan had all but admitted to Phil that he had been the asshole who was texting Phil. For the entirety of the class period leading up to their presentation, Phil hadn’t been paying attention to their classmates. He’d been trying to figure out why Dan would try and goad Phil like he had.

Why had Dan been so adamant that Phil think he was a whore? And why, after Phil had finally succumbed, for just a moment, to the idea that he _might_ be, had he blown up on Phil as if _he_ were the asshole? He couldn’t wrap his head around the concept.

Unless…?

Unless Dan hadn’t wanted Phil to think of him that way at all.

“The point is, when you’ve promised yourself to someone the way Hester had, you don’t go back on that.”

“But her husband was presumed dead!”

“And later to be found well, and alive.”

Dan sighed in frustration, but Phil was trying to lead him in this discussion - there was something he wanted to say.

“But Hester didn’t know that! From her point of view, she needed to move on. The man she’d once loved didn’t appear to be coming back. He left her in some unknown colony to start a new life for them, and never showed up like he’d promised. Can you blame someone for wanting love, and affection in their lives?”

Dan’s eyes were welling up slightly, in a way that only Phil could really notice. It told him that this was about more than Hester desiring love and affection - it was about Dan, too.

Piercing brown eyes were boring him down, but Phil was glad Dan had said what he’d said. It would make what Phil wanted to say that much easier.

“But her husband told her he’d come back. Did she doubt his love?” Phil questioned, his own gaze boring into Dan’s. This wasn’t about Hester or the Scarlet Letter anymore. Had Dan ever known about his feelings? Had Phil been wrong about the reason Dan and him stopped talking, hanging out?

“Maybe she did. Would that be such a bad thing? After how many years of not hearing from him, couldn’t you expect her to start worrying?”

“Maybe. But should she have? She married him, knew him. Don’t you think she should have known better?”

“But she didn’t.”

“She didn’t.”

There was a glimmer in Dan’s eye that told Phil the other boy was starting to understand what Phil was getting at, and it didn’t have to do with Hester Prynne at all. After so many years of friendship, Dan and Phil clearly hadn’t known each other very well at all.

Maybe Dan didn’t know Phil had been in love with him; maybe Dan didn’t know that was what Phil was driving at, either, but Dan had definitely understood that was Phil was asking him why they’d drifted apart.

“Let’s assume she’d known her husband for at least a few years, before she’d been shipped off to the colonies. Don’t you think their relationship would have developed enough that she would know his true inclinations?”

“And what if it hadn’t? Or what if their relationship had been a bad one? What if she’d known he’d never loved her? Wouldn’t her waiting as long as she did to sleep with another man belly her devotion to him, whether he was a good husband or not? And if you went so long without so much as one act of kindness, and love, wouldn’t you fall prey to the first person who offered it to you?”

Dan’s glare told Phil they were talking about Dillion, from last night, and his gaze softened on Dan.

“Maybe.”

“And what if this had been a modern telling? What if Hester had just been a lonely, sad teenager? What if her parents were never home, and she’d lost her best friend, and all she wanted was to be loved for just one second. It’s her body. Why couldn’t she do with it what she liked, when everyone around her was clearly doing the same? Why should she be ashamed, just because she didn’t want to hide it?”

“She shouldn’t be,” Phil replied, letting out a heavy breath. Dan’s eyes were watering even more, now. Had he just confessed that, all this time, he had been having sex with all the people who claimed to have done so? The thought broke Phil’s heart, because he’d always wanted Dan all for himself, but he could also understand, just from the way Dan had phrased it, that it was none of his business.

“What about Dimmesdale? He was the one who had sex with Hester. Why was he never shamed for what he did?” Dan asked, turning hard eyes to the rest of the class. “What he did was just as bad as what Hester did, if not worse, as he had sex with her _knowing_ she was a married women. A reverend, he ignored his vows, _her_ vows, and still. Hester was blamed.”

Phil had no response to that, but the class was silent. Everyone was hanging on to Dan’s every word. Everyone knew what he was really talking about.

“I never had sex with anyone,” Dan suddenly admitted, breaking the carefully guarded fourth wall they’d both worked so hard to build into their presentation to talk about the Elephant in the room. “I just told you all I had, to help them. Because high school sucks, and they needed a scapegoat. But, like Hester, I was the only person shamed. And that, is bullshit.”

Before Phil could say anything else, Dan was stomping out of the room, but not before Phil saw the tears streaming down his cheeks.

\--

“Dan! Dan wait!” Phil shouted, throwing his body around the next hallway in the hopes that Dan hadn’t gotten too far away just yet. He just caught the tail end of Dan’s tight black leather jacket, and groaned as he was forced to take off running once again.

“Please. Dan, please wait!” he begged, huffing as he rounded yet another corner, and immediately ran straight into Dan’s back, sending them both sprawling.

“Fuck, Phil! I stopped, goddamnit!”

Panting in an attempt to catch his breath, and aching from the force of his landing on the hard linoleum, Phil panted out a “Sorry,” as he closed his eyes in pain. How was he supposed to know Dan had stopped just around the corner.

“Take the corners easier next time,” Dan groaned, sitting up beside him, and rubbing at his elbows. “You nearly knocked the breath out of me.”

Wheezing himself, Phil could do nothing but chuckle at the irony. Yeah, _almost_ being the keyword, he thought, as he tried to catch his own breath.

Sitting up, Phil pressed a hand to his chest in the hopes that it would stop heaving, gazing up at Dan’s sad brown eyes. His heart ached to see that look on his once best friend’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Phil finally managed to say. Dan just shook his head.

“For what? Running into me? Fine, apology accepted,” he responded, turning his gaze from Phil’s.

Frustrated, Phil reached out and took Dan’s hand in his. This seemed to startle the other man, who immediately looked up at Phil with shock clearly written all over his face.

“No,” Phil huffed out, swallowing thickly. “For everything.”

Dan’s eyes were searching as they tried to read Phil’s, the brown flickering back and forth between each of Phil’s eyes as Phil himself stared steadily back, hand still pressed to his chest. The heaving breaths were finally starting to even out as Phil caught his breath.

“It’s not your fault,” Dan finally said back.

Phil shook his head. “But it is,” he argued. “What you said back there - the sad teenager whose parents are never home? Dan, I know that’s you. You know I know that’s you; and we both know it’s my fault you’re a sad teenager with no one around,” he said, swallowing. He squeezed his fingers around Dan’s and held onto them tightly.

“I used to be your best friend, remember?” he tried with a small grin. “I know what your home life is like, and I should have been there for you. I should have never let this happen to you.”

“You don’t have to protect me Phil -”

“But I do!” Phil argued. “Don’t you get it, Dan? I’m in love with you.”

\--

Dan felt his breath catch in his throat, he almost couldn't believe the words Phil was saying. Every moment, every conversation between the two of them was racing through Dan's mind on fast forward. The two of them getting picked for spin the bottle, that time in middle school when Phil sat in the seat in front of him on the bus and Dan stared at the back of his newly dyed black hair for half an hour. The Scarlet Letter project and Dan's stupid identity crisis.

And Dan couldn't believe how he hadn't realised, how he could be so blind, that Phil had been doing everything this year because he _loved_ Dan. Suddenly everything was clicking into place, everything was making sense.

It had been Phil, it had always been Phil.

Of course it had.

There had never been anyone else.

"I love you too," Dan said suddenly, practically lunging forward to connect his lips to Phil's.

Phil seemed shocked for a moment, but then his lips started to move against Dan's and his hands came up to tangle themselves in Dan's hair.

For the first time in a long time, everything felt right.

\--

Their first kiss was interrupted by the sharp running of the bell. Phil stood and grabbed Dan's hand, pulling Dan up so that they were both standing.

"Let's get out of here," Phil suggested. All Dan needed to do was nod before Phil was pulling him along the hallway.

Apparently by 'get out of here' Phil meant 'stop making out on the hallway and start making out in my car'. Not that Dan was complaining.

He had been waiting a long time to make out with Phil Lester, he wasn't going to let this kind of opportunity go to waste.

\--

Phil’s honest intention had been to take Dan out somewhere, to get him away from the school and the rumors that were still circulating like a dark curse over their heads, but instead, they’d just ended up in Phil’s car. Climbing into the backseat together, Phil found himself being pressed against the interior with a very exuberant Dan in his lap

and warm lips pressed to his own.

Phil would never get tired of kissing Dan. Dan’s lips were soft, despite being chapped, and melded to Phil’s in a way Phil had never felt before. He kissed the way he felt - with passion and urgency, and a refusal to deny what he wanted.

It was amazing, having Dan pressed up against him. Phil’s arms were wrapped around Dan’s waist to keep him near, and Dan’s lips kept popping off of Phil’s to take in  quick, startled breaths of air, before he’d surge back in. The urgency made Phil wonder if Dan feared that, any second, Phil was going to disappear, so he held onto him in an attempt to ground him, kissing him back just as passionately.

Their kisses eventually slowed down, with Dan panting against Phil’s lips in-between each soft peck, and their eyes half-lidded as they took each other in. All Phil could do was grin, his fingers curving gently against Dan’s skin as they sat together in the back of his car, skin nearly pressed against skin.

“You’re amazing,” Phil whispered, nuzzling against Dan’s cheek when their lips had finally disconnected.

Dan chuckled.

“So are you.”

\--

Later that night, after Dan had gone back home, he was finally able to process everything that had happened that day. After all, it had been very eventful. He still wasn't sure whether he and Phil were an official item, but he knew he would find out soon.

The only thing that was bothering him was the fact that he had stormed out during the English project. Sure, he had confessed, but he wasn't sure that anyone believed him.

He needed to tell the truth.

He was done lying.

\--

Dan took a deep breath, studying the outfit he had picked out for the day.

A Guild Wars t-shirt, skinny (but not _too_ skinny) jeans, and a pair of converse. It was the kind of outfit he used to wear, the kind of outfit he wanted to wear again.

Hopefully after today, he could go back to being invisible.

Well, mostly invisible.

After all, he still did want to date Phil Lester. While Dan wanted to go back to the past, he wouldn't trade the newfound relationship with Phil for anything in the world.

\--

Phil woke up for the first time in weeks with a smile. His hand groped around the bed for his cellphone, and the moment he found it, he dragged it into himself. With bleary eyes he turned the power on, and smiled at the text that was waiting for him.

**From: Dan <3**

morning! :D i cant w8 to c u 2day!

**To: Dan <3**

cant wait to see you either <3

**From: Dan <3**

<3

Dan’s response didn’t take long to arrive, but when it did, it gave Phil the strength to climb out of bed. Usually, it took him a good 15 minutes of lounging before that would happen, and then Phil would be scrambling to get ready before racing to school. Today...today Phil couldn’t wait to see Dan, so he got dressed quickly.

There was no lingering at the door or taking his time to heat up his car. Instead, he grabbed a quick bite to eat, and then headed for school. He knew he was going to be earlier than he usually was, and he doubted he’d get the chance to see Dan right away, but he couldn’t fight the nerves in his belly, or the excitement in his heart.

What he didn’t expect, was to arrive at school and find that Dan had not only beaten him there, but accrued quite the audience.

He was dressed back in what he usually wore; a gaming t-shirt and converse’s. His hair was softly curled around his cheeks, the way Phil knew it only usually was on the weekends, when Dan didn’t have to see anyone, and he was staring determinedly around at the group of people surrounding him outside the entrance to the school.

Parking quickly, Phil jumped out of his car, and hurried over.

“I know that everyone here believes the rumors that I’ve been sleeping around this year. You all think I have an older boyfriend that I fuck every weekend, and that I’ve been blatantly cheating on him for the last month while the rest of the school buys my time in bed. A few of you even think you’ve heard me going at it, but I’m here to tell you all right now, that that’s all wrong.

“I don’t have an older boyfriend. In fact, up until yesterday afternoon, following my presentation with Phil Lester, I didn’t have a boyfriend at all. I was the quiet nerd that none of you knew, who accidentally told the wrong person I had a date one night. While I almost expected outrage that I was gay, I never expected to be approached asking for help.

“Each and every single person that I’ve “slept” with this year, asked me if they could use me to protect their reputation at this school. Reasons, after reasons, after reasons poured out of people’s mouths, and I thought - why the hell not? I know high school’s not easy, how is helping my fellow classmates out not worth the shit I’ve been getting?

“But then someone tried to take advantage of me. Someone pretended to like me, for me, when really, all they wanted was to get into my pants. That’s when I decided enough was enough. That’s when I decided it was bullshit that everyone at this school got to call me a whore, when the people I’d supposedly been fucking got off scot free. That’s when I decided to come clean. Because the way we treat each other is bullshit, but more than that, the way you treat the people who chose to live their life the way _they_ want to live their life, is bullshit. So pull your heads out of your  arse’s, Westbrook, and start treating each other like human beings.”

The bell rang just as Dan had finished speaking, the entire front yard stunned speechless. Without another word, Dan marched into the school, and Phil and the rest of his classmates were left to stare after him, completely stunned.

While Phil was definitely a bit surprised by the full confession, he was more so surprised by the fact that Dan had just called him his boyfriend. His chest was filling with a warm feeling he couldn’t explain as he finally unglued himself from the back of the crowd, and began to make his way into the school, a large grin stretched across his face.

\--

**To: Dan <3**

boyfriend, huh?

**From: Dan <3**

i mean, if thats ok with u

**To: Dan <3**

definitely okay with me

\--

The halls were buzzing following Dan’s proclamation, and Phil’s name was a huge part of it. There were heavy rumors spilling all around the campus that would have made Phil nervous if he wasn’t so sure of his relationship with Dan.

So maybe they’d only been together for less than a day, but from the stories being spread, and Dan’s obvious understanding of the rumor mill, Phil didn’t think he had anything to worry about.

Still, the few times he was approached about the rumors, he was quick to run his mouth in his defense.

“What’s he like in bed, Phil?”

“Yeah, I heard that’s all you care about. Is the school slut as good at giving head as they say he is?”

“How devastated do you think he’s going to be when he finds out you just wanted him to have a taste?”

“Why buy the cow when you could sample the milk, am I right, Phil?”

With teeth bared, Phil told every single one of them to fuck off.

He could only hope that Dan would know better. For the last month, Phil had done everything to protect the boy, and he’d never once been one of the people to approach him asking for sex, because that’s not what Phil wanted. What Phil wanted, was to hold Dan in his arms, and be able to kiss him every day.

What Phil wanted was to be able to love his best friend, and have the other boy back in his life again.

And no one could really blame him when Phil shoved the football players that had been bugging him for weeks into a row of lockers when they tried to get into his face once again. Even the teachers turned a blind eye.

\--

Dan felt like he was on cloud nine all day, he and Phil were official... like _official_ official. Okay, maybe he had been the one to say it first, but the fact that Phil was more than okay with it, was practically the same thing.

In his good mood, not even the rumors his other classmates were spreading like the Black Plague could affect him. He was coasting through life, the world was his oyster, everything was going perfectly. Which naturally meant that Dan had to go and fuck everything up.

He was leaving one of his classes, a pointless class that he couldn't even tell you what he was learning about, when he happened to bump into one of the guys on the football team.

That was the start of the downfall.

The guy turned around, a nasty sneer already gracing his face, however it turned into a flat out grimace when he saw who had just ran into him.

"Oh, it's the little liar," the jock said mockingly, "are you going to pretend that you fucked me too?"

His friends laughed, and Dan felt his ears burn red with embarrassment. He didn't regret telling the whole school the truth, he just wished that some of them had taken it better and actually learned a lesson from the whole ordeal.

Obviously that would be asking too much. Muttering a hasty apology for bumping into him, Dan ducked under the jock's arm and headed towards his next class. He didn't have time for this.

\--

He was one of the only kids in the library, not many kids dared to venture into its musty depths when there was a computer lab across the hall, but Dan liked to spend his free period there.

It was a safe place to escape from the stares, and there was an easy comfort in placing all the books back into their proper places.

He heard the door open with a loud creak so Dan glanced over to see who walked in. He almost dropped the book he had been holding when he saw _Luke_ of all people walk in. The day that boy would willingly spend a day in the library would be the day hell froze over.

Luke was glancing around, obviously looking for someone, and when he locked gazes with Dan and smiled tauntingly, Dan finally understood the meaning behind the phrase 'like a deer in headlights'.

"Just who I was looking for," Luke said, walking over to Dan as if they were best friends, "I wanted to talk to you."

"And I don't want to talk to you," Dan shot back, reaching up to slid the book back onto the shelf.

"Oh, I think you'll want to talk about this. It's about your precious Phil."

"What happened to him?" Dan asked, immediately jumping to the defensive. Anything Luke had to say about Phil was definitely _not_ going to be good.

Luke shrugged, "we just had an interesting chat, is all,"

Dan scoffed, "like Phil would talk to you about anything."

Luke shrugged, "fine, don't believe me, I just thought you should know."

Dan could feel the curiosity burning in his stomach, even though he knew logically that Luke wouldn't, _couldn't,_ actually know anything that actually mattered. It was probably just a stupid rumor. Still he couldn't stop himself from opening his mouth, "what is it?" He asked.

Luke grinned, as if he had been waiting for Dan to give in to the curiousity. "He was just saying something about 'wanting to just fuck you and see what all the fuss was about'. But, like you said, why would Phil talk to me about anything," and with that, Luke spun on his heel and walked out of the library.

Meanwhile, Dan felt like his world was collapsing. It wasn't true, it _couldn't_ be true. Phil was different.... Phil was....

Feeling like he was going to be sick, Dan slumped to the floor, leaning against the bookcase.

He didn't know what he was going to do, maybe... if he gave Phil what he wanted then Phil would stay. Or maybe Luke's a filthy liar. There was really only one way to find out.

\--

They were back in Phil’s car again, and he could tell something was wrong. They’d started out the same way they had just yesterday, with Dan pressing Phil up against the car door, straddling his lap. Their lips connected and disconnected over and over again, but this time, their panting was becoming a little something more.

Before Phil knew what was happening, Dan had slid him down into a prone position against the seat covers, his back pressed flat with Dan hovering over top of him. It was a relief for Phil’s back, and it gave him the contact he’d been beginning to be desperate for, but it scared him at the same time, because Dan had one hand roaming up the bottom of his t-shirt while he pressed his tongue down Phil’s throat.

Dan’s kisses changed from passionate to desperate as he readjusted his position on top of Phil. In that moment, Phil heard Dan whine lightly. The sound was a broken one, rather than a needy one, and that’s what clued Phil in on the fact that something was wrong.

“Dan,” he panted, feeling dizzy as he pulled away from him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Dan replied, forcing his tongue back into Phil’s mouth, but he couldn’t hide the fact that tears were in his eyes.

“Dan, what - are you okay?” Phil tried to ask, but then Dan was rolling his hips down, and Phil was closing his eyes, because he didn’t want to moan.

“Dan, hey, it’s okay, I’m right here,” he tried to say, reaching up with warm hands to cup Dan’s cheeks in an attempt to comfort.

“I know that,” Dan replied, eyes half lidded as he surged back in for another kiss, hips rolling down against Phil’s. Phil wouldn’t lie about the way his pants were becoming tight, and he wouldn’t lie about the fact that he could feel the beginnings of Dan’s erection pressing against his own, but he didn’t want Dan to do something he didn’t want because something was bothering him that he didn’t want to tell Phil about.

So Phil let Dan kiss him a few more times, sucking Dan’s tongue into his mouth with a low moan, but as soon as he felt like things were starting to go too far, he pressed his hands to Dan’s waist, and pulled him away.

“Dan, stop,” he begged, still panting as he closed his eyes.

“Why?” Dan asked, clearly agitated that Phil had stopped him. “Isn’t this is what you want? Don’t you want me?” he asked.

That’s when it hit him. That’s when Phil realized what was wrong, and with a loud gasp, he sat up, pushing Dan away.

“You’re kidding me,” he snapped, brow furrowing in pain. “You actually believe those bullshit rumors that have started going around? After all we’ve been through, you actually believe those?”

Dan shook his head, his own face scrunched up in an angry frown. “I - I mean -”

“What the hell, Dan. I thought you knew me better than that!” Phil replied, feeling hurt as the things he’d been hearing in the halls that day finally got to him. He hadn’t thought he’d have to worry about Dan’s reaction to what people were saying about him, about them, but clearly he’d been wrong.

“Why would you ever believe them?”

“Luke - he told me you talked to him.”

Completely flabbergasted, Phil started slack jawed at Dan, waiting for him to continue.

“He...he told me you told him you just wanted to fuck me and see what all the fuss was about,” Dan explained, eyes hurt as he looked down at his own lap. Phil, meanwhile, was horrified. He couldn’t believe that Luke of all people had tried to approach Dan, or that Dan had let him. He couldn’t believe Dan had let Luke get into his head like that.

Running a distressed hand down his face, Phil shook his head. “Dan,” he said, sighing as he readjusted himself so his awkward boner wouldn’t make this conversation anymore awkward than it was already going to be. “Dan, you idiot,” he said fondly, scooting over and sitting properly on the seat so his thigh was pressed up against Dan’s foot. Then he dragged his boyfriend and best friend into his arms, and held him their.

“Did you really think all I wanted was to have sex with you? After everything we’ve been through together? After everything we’ve been through this last month _alone_?” he asked, sighing as he stroked Dan’s hair. “I’m not Dillion. I’m not with you just to have sex with you. I’m with you because I’ve loved you for a long time, and I was tired of hiding that.”

Dan glanced up at him then, eyes wide and wet, though he wasn’t crying. “Why did you hide it then?”

Phil smiled.

“Because for the longest time, I thought the reason we stopped being friends was because you knew how I felt about you, and you didn’t feel the same. When you rejected me in the closet that day at the party, I thought you were rejecting my feelings, not just a first kiss that was being forced on us. But now I know better. Better late than never, right?”

As Dan nodded, face finally breaking out into a smile, Phil pulled him in close again. Things were going to be alright.

\--

**Epilogue**

This was it. Dan was finally ready. After months of waiting, and pondering, and messing around, Dan was ready to go all the way with Phil. They’d both wanted to wait until their relationship had progressed, but more than that, Phil had been adamant that they do nothing more than a rushed handjob until Dan felt like he was ready to do more than that.

And Dan was.

After a month of being called a whore, and a slut, it had been hard for Dan to get past the stigma of what having sex in high school entailed. For a while, Dan had been terrified that, somehow, the whole school would find out the moment he’d given himself up to Phil, and he hadn’t wanted that.

But after months of being jeered and leered at as if he already _was_ , Dan had decided he didn’t give a shit anymore. Who cared what anyone else thought, especially when they already thought they were doing it in the first place? And shouldn’t Dan be standing by his speech in the classroom? No one had the right to any say of what Dan did with his body except Dan.

So Dan was ready. Dan was ready and _incredibly_ nervous as he waited for Phil to arrive, ready to spring the surprise on his currently oblivious boyfriend.

“Hey, Dan. Your mom let me in,” Phil greeted then, as he walked into Dan’s room like he owned the place, which, in a way, he did. Dan’s room was as much Phil’s home as Phil’s room was Dan’s home. It was a comforting existence that Dan would never get tired of enjoying.

“You’re late,” Dan teased, trying to distract them both from Dan’s nerves.

Carding a hand through his fringe, Phil laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Doesn’t seem like you were in too much of a hurry though, considering you haven’t even gotten the playstation set up. What happened to our long standing date? It’s retro Friday!”

Holding back a snort as Phil’s enthusiasm, Dan heaved himself up off his bed, and heart pounding, made his way to Phil’s side. Looping his arms around Phil’s neck, he dragged Phil in until their foreheads were touching, and smiled.

“I’m ready,” he whispered, waiting for Phil’s reaction.

Phil didn’t react. He quirked a confused brow at Dan, and said, “Okay? Then why haven’t you set up the playstation?”

Laughing nervously, Dan leaned in and kissed his boyfriend, the sound interrupting the way their mouths came together, and causing Phil to laugh as well.

“What? What am I missing?” Phil asked as Dan drew away, smiling that smile Dan had always loved.

“You idiot,” He teased, and without another word, he drew Phil back into him and decided to _show_ him what he meant.

The kisses started out slow, the way they always did, with little pecks that dissolved into lips and tongues twining together in a passionate dance. Dan sucked at Phil’s bottom lip, nipping at it lightly, before pulling away and teasing at the hem of Phil’s shirt with his fingers.

“Lock the door?” he whispered, quirking a brow and smirking at his boyfriend. Obediently, Phil nodded his head, and turned to do as Dan had asked. He was back in moments, eyes dazed as Dan took the hem of his shirt in hand, and pulled it over his head. Phil licked his lips, moving back in to kiss Dan again. Dan let him, humming and smiling into the feeling.

Slowly, he walked backwards until the back of his legs hit the bed, and sat down on the soft surface. Phil made a soft noise of protest as he was forced to lean over to keep his lips connected to Dan’s, but it didn’t seem his boyfriend was any wiser about what Dan had been talking about before. Deciding to take this whole thing a step forward, Dan nervously reached out for the button of Phil’s jeans, and undid them shakily.

Phil froze.

It wasn’t the first time Dan had pulled down Phil’s jeans, or vice versa - after all, they were too horny teenage boys who got massively turned on just from making out. They’d given each other a fair few amount of hand jobs. But it seemed Dan’s words, and his actions, had finally penetrated Phil’s brain enough that he understood what Dan was getting at.

Jerking away from Dan, and grabbing the waistband of his jeans to yank them back into place, Phil stared wide-eyed at Dan.

“Dan…” he mumbled.

“What?”

“No, we agreed. We weren’t going to do this until -”

“Until I was ready, I know, and I told you earlier. I am ready.”

Shaking his head, and still wide eyed, Phil disagreed.

“No! I mean, are you sure?” Phil managed to stutter out, eyes wide and fearful. Quirking his own nervous eyebrow, Dan tilted his head at Phil.

“Yeah, I’m definitely sure. Are _you_ ready?” Dan accused, confused that his boyfriend was acting like he was so against this whole idea.

Phil didn’t answer. Instead, he dropped his wide-eyed gaze from Dan’s face, to his jeans as he worked to do them back up. He found his shirt on the floor, and pulled it back over his head, ringing his hands in front of him when he was done. Dan, meanwhile, felt terrified. Was he being rejected? After all this time, working up the courage and conviction he needed to feel like he was in control of his own body again, was Phil rejecting him?

“Phil?” Dan asked in a small voice, watching the other boy pace his room like a caged animal.

“Yeah?” Phil answered, sounding distracted.

“What’s wrong? Do you...do you not want me, like that?” Dan asked, nervous, and feeling a little heartbroken at the prospect.

Phil stopped pacing then, turning a horrified look on Dan as he rushed in front of him, collapsing to sit on his knees at the foot of his bed. His eyes were wide and regretful as he took Dan’s hands in his.

“No, of course not Bear. I mean. Fuck,” he cursed, shaking his head. “Of course I want you like that. I find you incredibly sexy. I just. It’s just that - Bear, what if I’m not ready?” Phil asked him in a small voice, eyes pleading and a little bit terrified.

Stunned at the fact that Dan had never even entertained the idea that _Phil_ might not be ready either, Dan’s jaw dropped open. All this time, Phil had been projecting confidence as he assured Dan they they wouldn’t go all the way until Dan was ready, and all this time, Phil hadn’t been ready either.

“It’s just that, I thought it would take longer, you know? I thought, if I made sure you knew I didn’t want to go any further until you were ready, you might feel better about it. More confident. If I was confident, then you could be too, you know? I just. I didn’t think you’d beat me too,” Phil tried to explain, evidently cluing in on what had left Dan so dumbfounded without Dan having had to say anything at all. His whole demeanor was nervous now, hands shaking in Dan’s as he tried to hold himself together.

“Phil,” Dan reprimanded as a laugh bubbled up in his chest at the absurdity of it all. “Phil, you idiot,” he teased, pulling his boyfriend up and into his arms. He laid back on the bed, dragging Phil with him, and snuggled him close the way Phil usually did for him when he was upset. “I can’t believe you thought you had to pretend to be confident for me!” he exclaimed, laughing as he held Phil close. He couldn’t deny the fact that it _had_ made him feel safe, however.

“I’m sorry,” Phil whined, struggling against Dan. Letting the other boy go, Dan watched his boyfriend readjust so their foreheads were nearly touching, and their legs were tangled together. There was still a tenseness to Phil’s brow, however, that Dan wanted to soothe away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lied to you. Are you mad?” he asked.

Shaking his head with a smile, Dan assured him he wasn’t. “Of course not. I just think you’re an absolute dork,” he teased, leaning in a pecking Phil on the lips gently. Phil didn’t seem appeased, though.

“Are you mad about right _now_? I ruined your plans for the night…” he elaborated, brow still tense with worry.

Shaking his head again, Dan sighed and drew his overly confident boyfriend in for a kiss. So far, Phil had spent what felt like his entire life protecting Dan, and now it seemed it was Dan’s turn to protect Phil.

“Shut up. You didn’t ruin anything. I can wait until you’re ready, and this time, I’ll be the confident one for both of us.”


End file.
